Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
nutella sex= disaster
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
