OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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