break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
