is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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