She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
