We're like a lot better than the average bears
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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