Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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