Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
