Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
