just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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