Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
