I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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