i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
