just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
