I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
