my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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