By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
