Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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