I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
