lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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