I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
