You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
