Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
