So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
