i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
