3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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