just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
