Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
