Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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