My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
