what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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