I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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