If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
