Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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