i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
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Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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