Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
