she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
