Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
