Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
