the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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