Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
