this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
