You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
