fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
