I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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