A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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