The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
