when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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