its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
