Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry about my life...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
