Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
