so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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