Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize