he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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