now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
