I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.