I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix