I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
