Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  I'm eating all of the evidence.

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  (716): I'm eating all of the evidence. http://tfl.nu/m4yn
  Replies (12) Good night (2263) Bad night (620)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.

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  (850): It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store. http://tfl.nu/3zcn
  Replies (17) Good night (805) Bad night (2209)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  dibs on John Mayer's hood pass

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  (267): dibs on John Mayer's hood pass http://tfl.nu/rqbz
  Replies (35) Good night (2713) Bad night (911)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.

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  (469): I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom. http://tfl.nu/d1jb
  Replies (9) Good night (957) Bad night (3109)
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  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

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  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (8479) Bad night (1490)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.

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  (816): My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost. http://tfl.nu/27qj
  Replies (8) Good night (3375) Bad night (1105)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.

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  (206): In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/g8w5
  Replies (7) Good night (980) Bad night (2637)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.

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  (661): The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me. http://tfl.nu/fztu
  Replies (6) Good night (2240) Bad night (779)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk

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  (443): Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk http://tfl.nu/uult
  Replies (1) Good night (1247) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them

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  (570): Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them http://tfl.nu/2e8h
  Replies (4) Good night (998) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.

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  (859): and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/coqa
  Replies (10) Good night (1588) Bad night (573)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.

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  (734): Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on. http://tfl.nu/8pzz
  Replies (4) Good night (1024) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had

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  (937): whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had http://tfl.nu/mht2
  Replies (1) Good night (605) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.

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  (641): I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it. http://tfl.nu/0z7a
  Replies (5) Good night (406) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it

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  (225): Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it http://tfl.nu/edch
  Replies (1) Good night (704) Bad night (280)

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