my mouth tastes like poor choices
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.