Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.

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  (513): thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES. http://tfl.nu/uymn
  Replies (4) Good night (800) Bad night (2711)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.

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  (804): Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift. http://tfl.nu/sb1j
  Replies (17) Good night (828) Bad night (2395)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.

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  (484): i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman. http://tfl.nu/dzx3
  Replies (55) Good night (7317) Bad night (1010)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

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  (905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz
  Replies (40) Good night (5532) Bad night (1645)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.

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  (402): I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack. http://tfl.nu/jydf
  Replies (6) Good night (2663) Bad night (591)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water

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  (701): I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water http://tfl.nu/kjo7
  Replies (4) Good night (479) Bad night (1647)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years

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  (262): All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years http://tfl.nu/lv0h
  Replies (1) Good night (886) Bad night (636)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE

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  (416): I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE http://tfl.nu/e7i8
  Replies (6) Good night (698) Bad night (908)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.

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  (405): All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head. http://tfl.nu/p2id
  Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (334)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.

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  (713): I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me. http://tfl.nu/qd63
  Replies (5) Good night (836) Bad night (296)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?

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  (317): What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom? http://tfl.nu/z0d3
  Replies (6) Good night (351) Bad night (918)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My life hurts

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake

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  (615): My life hurts (615): I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake http://tfl.nu/1mlr
  Replies (2) Good night (306) Bad night (455)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again

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  (506): I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again http://tfl.nu/cox5
  Replies (1) Good night (258) Bad night (586)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.

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  (503): You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life. http://tfl.nu/c63g
  Replies (2) Good night (276) Bad night (365)
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  (818): View more from California

  I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...

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  (818): I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner... http://tfl.nu/hc9u
  Replies (0) Good night (325) Bad night (158)

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