Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.

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  (405): I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat. http://tfl.nu/2u5h
  Replies (17) Good night (2633) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?

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  (720): have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing? http://tfl.nu/o8yl
  Replies (51) Good night (4651) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table

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  (330): It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table http://tfl.nu/2wbi
  Replies (24) Good night (1107) Bad night (4008)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.

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  (302): Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace. http://tfl.nu/xnkm
  Replies (9) Good night (937) Bad night (2874)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.

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  (704): I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in. http://tfl.nu/jad0
  Replies (15) Good night (2484) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He asked if I wanted to "hang out"

  (410): View more from Maryland

  A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"

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  (410): He asked if I wanted to "hang out" (410): A verb which here means "do lines off my dick" http://tfl.nu/6cb5
  Replies (9) Good night (3333) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.

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  (813): she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by. http://tfl.nu/df84
  Replies (5) Good night (1448) Bad night (1160)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"

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  (781): Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade" http://tfl.nu/du64
  Replies (4) Good night (1298) Bad night (848)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.

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  (612): I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot. http://tfl.nu/caxg
  Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?

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  (817): I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join? http://tfl.nu/sbfg
  Replies (11) Good night (1565) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.

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  (540): We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment. http://tfl.nu/ze3a
  Replies (3) Good night (1693) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.

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  (541): I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards. http://tfl.nu/slrk
  Replies (1) Good night (621) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out

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  (613): Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out http://tfl.nu/hcl3
  Replies (0) Good night (662) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested

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  (770): How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested http://tfl.nu/aiir
  Replies (5) Good night (706) Bad night (331)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart

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  (570): Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart http://tfl.nu/586o
  Replies (3) Good night (559) Bad night (336)

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