A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
