fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
