You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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