ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
