she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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