i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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