Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
that's an acceptable place to lick
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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